The one where no one's ready
by ScottyBgood
Summary: A birthday request for Invader Johnny. He wants a story based upon the episode of Friends called "The one where no one's ready." Basically, it's a big day for Jade, A black tie event, and she and the others are meeting up at the Vega's home to head over. But when she gets there, with half an hour before their supposed to leave, people are not ready. How does she get them ready?


A request for Invader Johnny's Birthday. Prompted by the Friends episode "The one where no one's ready."

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or any of it's characters. The plot, while inspired by the Friends episode, is it's own thing.

Happy Birthday, Johnny, I wrote you a story.

:}

Jade approached the Vega household, wondering again why she'd agreed to meet up there. 'I mean, we could have rented a couple of rooms, just down the street from the venue, and gotten changed there, away from all distractions. But no, we spent our money on a Limo, and our clothes, but nothing on preparations. Then again, I think I just don't want everyone here. That means their coming back...' Needing to force her mind away from that chain of thoughts, because she knew where it led, Jade glanced down at her watch. It was a gift from her father, two Christmases past. 'Used to think it was such a lame gift, cause, hello, cell phones. But now, I'm kinda glad the cheap bastard got me this thing, cause there's no way I can check my phone every five minutes. Not here, not at the venue, so this is it.'

The opening for her play had ballooned to be far greater then she'd expected. Because of the minor amount of help she'd received from Hollywood arts, as well as her agreeing to hire actors with affiliation with the school, the school had sent out an announcement about her play to it's parents and alumni. That had caused some of said alumni to check out her play, at the critics viewing, traditionally held during the last dress rehearsal before opening night. Now the industry was abuzz, wanting to know more about this play and the young girl who'd both written and directed it. In fact, buzz was so strong among a surprisingly high number of behind the scenes power players, that the whole evening was spiraling into an event. It had spun so far out of Jade's control that now it was a "Black Tie" event, with it's opening and closing festivities including parties, gatherings that had sold tickets, for charity, and Jade was expected to make an appearance to both. So now, the limo, the press, it was all part of the excitement, and Jade felt like her original goals were being lost in the momentum.

Jade glanced down at her own dress, a tight but dressy black dress with matching heels and silver jewelry and accessories, cause the whole ensemble looked good on her. She was ready, as ready as she could hope to have gotten, with everything possible to get finished by then done. She even went heavy on her antiperspirant, just in case. 'Big night tonight.' She reminded herself, glancing at her watch yet again. 'Half an hour. We have half an hour before the limo arrives, and we get whisked off to this circus.' Jade thought. 'I never thought, not during the long hours I put in writing, editing, casting or directing, that this thing would take off like this. You'd think I'd be happy. But then, you'd also think this wouldn't be the potential end of my career. But no, their gonna be judging me, every step of the way, and I can't appear to be taking this any less seriously then everyone else is. That means being ready if my play's a bomb, and making sure none of the people on my guest list embarrass me.' Her hand tightened on the door knob. Her hands were shaking, a slight hint of perspiration her antiperspirant was failing to keep at bay gave the faintest glint on her skin, because Jade, who never sweats, how discovered she had far too much riding on this play. 'Why couldn't I have just.. NO, not gonna go there. Too late for shoulda, woulda, coulda.'

Jade marshaled her will, ignoring the un-Jade-like moisture on her arm, and pushed the door open. She was a senior now, nearing graduation, and among other things, she'd finally accepted that the Vega's never locked their doors. Friends could just walk in, if they choose to do so, and that day, she was feeling rude. "Okay, everyone, the limo will be here in half an hour, so lets finish up and…." Her eyes stuck on the three boys sitting on the couches, playing video games with one another. Not one of them was dressed. "Okay, I'm sure there's a good reason no one is dressed yet. So, tell me, WHY AREN'T YOU DRESSED?!"

Andre and Robbie flinched, both glancing at where their suits hung, debating making a mad dash to the spare bedroom that they were using to get ready. Both boys tensed as they warred with the possibility of just getting ready, only something stopped them.

"Cause we're guys?" Beck answered back, oddly calm. Both Robbie and Andre held their breaths, waiting for the outcome of Beck's argument.

"Could have fooled me." Jade snapped. "Now get dressed!" She barked.

'"Relax, we got this." Beck assured her, and the guys. His calm was frustrating to his ex, which didn't really calm down the other boys "We only need, like, two minutes to get changed. So chill, we have time."

"Less now then when I walked in." Jade groaned. "Look, this is important to me. It's my first big opening, and I want everything to run as smoothly as possible. I NEED everyone ready to go. When the limo gets here, we need to be out the door, on our way. So," Her face scrunched up, almost as if she was in pain, "Could you please get dressed? For me?"

"Relax, okay." Beck said. "We're just having some fun. We'll be ready before you know it."

"I'm ready." Trina announced, wearing a peach dress that clung to her curves just a touch too tightly. "I even have the perfect shoes to go with my outfit." She showed off her heels, dark, but the kind that can go with just about anything.

"Yea, cause that makes..." Jade said as she shot a glare toward the older Vega, only to freeze. "Okay, those shoes do go with that outfit." She admitted, deflating a bit. "Now is Tori ready?"

"How would I know? I'm not her keeper." Trina replied, glancing at herself in the mirror. "Man, I do look good, or what."

"I asked you to keep her on track, on time." Jade said. "And that does make you your sisters keeper. So why isn't she ready yet?"

"I don't know." Trina repeated. "How could I when I was doing my makeup and hair?"

"Just find out." Jade growled.

"TORI, YOU READY?" The older girl yelled up the stairs.

"GO!" Jade ordered.

"You know, I'm not like these wimps." Trina started. "I don't just jump every time you..." Jade took a threatening step in her direction. "Okay, I'll check on her. Sheesh."

"Why'd you invite her, anyways?" Robbie asked from his place on the couch..

"She'd be coming along anyways, so why fight it?" Jade said, not quite admitting she needed Trina there. 'Not sure why, but I so need her. No, I know why. I just...'

"I'm here, and ready." Cat announces, walking from the guest room. She wore a silver and pink strapless gown that looked nice on her. "And this time, when I dropped my bra in the toilet, I had a spare. And when I dropped that one in the toilet..."

"How many bra's can you drop in the toilet?" Jade asked, hoping to cut the story short.

"Just the two, cause thats how many I had with me." Cat answered, as if that was what Jade wanted to know.

"You're wearing a wet bra?" Robbie asked, trying not to look too much like he was looking. But the strapless dress, while revealing, made it impossible for him to see whatever bit of salacious evidence he may have been looking for.

"Noo, why would I do that?" Cat asked. "I did that before, at Jade's first professional play, and it's so not that comfortable. I mean, thats why I brought two bra's."

"So your going braless?" Jade asked.

"Well, not exactly. I'm just not wearing a bra." Cat replied, smiling at the confused look her friend was giving her. "See, this dress has an intrinsic bra, cause of how strapless it is. So it turns out I didn't need one. Just glad it didn't fall in the toilet, but then again, I didn't realize it had it's own bra until I was putting it on, so why would I hang it in such a precarious position?" She gave an innocent smile, before allowing herself to be distracted. "Now, I'm gonna see if they have any cheesy puffs."

"Yea, you do that." Jade said, nodding, not wanting to deal with Cat any more. 'Not if she's ready. Let her sit there, eating Cheesy puffs...' The problem hit her. "Wait!"

"On it." Robbie said, getting out of his chair to prevent the petite girl from getting orange dust all over her nice silver and pink dress. Immediately, Andre took his spot on the couch, and his controller.

"Shouldn't you be getting dressed?" Jade asked, managing to look threatening despite how exhausted she was feeling. Her hand pinched the bridge of her nose, and she felt like she was ready to explode. Andre, to his credit, considered getting up and changing, except Beck waved him down.

"Relax, we have plenty of time." He assured her, Andre, and the game. "Now, we're playing. Right?"

"Right." Andre agreed. He eyed Jade nervously, but relied upon her Ex being able to keep her from doing something violent. "Sides, that dress, those shoes, no place for her to hide her scissors. We're safe, for now. Just, no one tell her where the Vega's keep their pair.'

Andre and Beck resumed playing, while Robbie took up the job of keeping Cat's dress clean. "You know what? Cat can live without Cheesy Puffs for a few minutes." Jade decided. "Robbie, go get dressed."

"Okay, I'm almost ready." Tori announced, poking her head around the corner where the flying part of the stairs disappeared into the upper level. However, even with that small amount she was showing, Jade could see she was wearing her dressing gown. "I just need to find the dress I'm wearing for tonight. It's perfect, sweet and a little sexy and..." Her face soured, "And Trina's wearing it."

"Yea, and now you don't have to stuff the bra to make it fit right." Trina tossed back. "You're welcome."

"Give me that dress." Tori insisted, taking several steps down the stairs.

"No, it looks better on me." Trina argued. "Besides, this really isn't your color. Maybe you should try that blue dress you have. The one you had Cat make, based upon the one miss Puckett won that beauty contest in."

"Because I'm saving that one for the Prome." Tori argued.

"Only, Promes over." Jade said, stepping in between the two sisters. Tori was still on the stairs, but had descended to the point where she was almost on the rise. "Go, put on that dress. I've got to get these two dressed, and we're all hands on deck."

"God, I love cheesy puffs." Cat purred, smiling.

"Cat, orange shows really well on silvery pink. Now sit down and wait. We're gonna be heading out real soon." Jade insisted. "If your hungry, don't you carry candy in your bra?"

"No bra." Cat said, pulling her top downward to show her friend. Jade lurched forward to stop her friend, covering the nearly ten feet in what felt like one diving lunge. Her own body slid over the piano to brace on the counter before hopping over to stop Cat. Jade was relieved her dress wasn't ripped, ruined, or pulled up to the point where her black panties would be the talk of the boys. The video game protected her modesty, just.

"There are some things we don't need to show the guys." Jade insisted.

"Beck, stop cheating." Andre complained.

"Being better isn't cheating." Beck argued back.

"You're not better, you just know the game better." Andre argued. "It's not fair, us playing a game you told me you'd mastered, cause..." His head swiveled, eyes locking on Jade, darting up from her chest as he realized where he was staring.

"So, strip Gears Of War just sounded like a fun idea, huh?" Jade asked. "You're just lucky I don't have time to rip you one." She growled towards her Ex. "Only, think about this, I'm less likely to bloody up your suit."

"Why are you complaining?" Beck asked. "I was the one who wound up naked. You had panties..."

"God, I'm glad I broke up with you now." Jade huffed.

"Why did you break up with Beck, anyways?" Cat asked.

"I..." For a second, she looked like a dear in headlights.. "We don't have time for this." Jade snapped.

"Looser gets dressed next." Beck suggested.

"Game takes too long." Jade said, twisting around to glare at her ex.

"How about we try something different." Andre said, pulling out a different game. "Then, the loser gets dressed next."

"You wanna change games? Fine." Beck said, an evil smile crossing his face. "Loser wears a dress."

"Where would we find a dress that would fit either of us?" Andre asked.

"I have at least two." Trina chimed in. "Lets see what I have, and what goes best with your eyes." She dashed upstairs.

"No, we don't have time for this." Jade groused. "The play starts on time, whether we're there or not. And we're not missing the pre play activities."

"As the playwright, you wanna be there." Beck said. "I totally get that. I'll beat him quick."

"ROBBIE, GET OUT HERE! I WANT CHEESY PUFFS!" Cat yelled towards the guest room, where the boy had dissipated with his suit just a short time ago.

Trina came down the stairs, carrying two dressed. "Okay, lets see what dress looks good on you?"

"I have a dress." Beck said, not taking his eyes off the television. "Remember, when Tori did that stunt?" Beck's smile broke. "Uh, Cat made me a copy of the dress, as a remembrance."

"Sure she did." Cat said, doubt echoing in her tone. "Wait, I'm keeping your secret, right?"

"No, cause we were all there when she re-did the stunt." Jade said. "We know Beck did the stunt for her."

"Right, good." Beck said, relaxing.

"And that dress isn't dressy enough for this opening." Jade continued. "It has to be fancy enough not to embarrass me."

"Oh my god." Trina said, holding a red dress over Andre. "This dress would look so good on you."

"No, I'm a dude." Andre argued.

"Don't worry, we'll just call you Andrea." Beck joked.

"Not gonna be wearing a dress." Andre insisted.

"You will be if you lose this game." Beck pushed.

"Never agreed to that." Dre said. "And I'm so gonna beat you."

"Trina, I need shoes." Tori called out. "I don't have anything to go with this dress."

"Trina..." Jade said, motioning with her head.

"On it." The older girl replied. She raced up the stairs, saying "Oh my god, look at Andre in this dress."

Jade groaned. "WILL PEOPLE STOP PLAYING AROUND AND GET THE HELL DRESSED?" Jade yelled. She glanced back at the kitchen, where Cat was eyeing the Cheesy Puffs, and looked for the butchers block, thinking 'Maybe a knife?' Only the Vega's had put away their knives.

"Almost there." Andre said.

"Besides, Robbie's not out yet." Beck added.

"What the hell happened to only needing two minutes?" Jade groused.

"I'm here." Robbie announces walking in, carrying Rex, who was dressed up gangster chic. "Sorry it took so long. I had trouble polishing Rex's Vans."

"They're cloth shoes, you don't fudging polish them." Jade groaned. "And why the hell is he wearing that? Why's he even coming?"

"Trina's coming." Rex pointed out.

"I need Trina there, to make sure Tori watched the whole play." Jade snapped.

"And how will..." Rex started, when a scream came from upstairs.

Jade didn't hesitate, taking the stairs two at a time. Soon, she was up outside Tori's room. "Whats wrong?" She asked.

"My blue dress…." Tori groaned. "I don't have shoes that go with my blue dress. Trina does, but she's wearing them. I don't have anything to wear…."

"Then wear this one." Jade pulled a dress out of the closet. "Wear anything. It's just, We don't have time..."

"I don't have heals for that dress." Tori groaned.

"WHAT KIND OF GIRL DOESN'T HAVE SHOES FOR HER CLOTHES? I MEAN, REALLY? YOU KNOW BETTER. YOU'VE DRESSED UP BEFORE. I'M ALMOST POSITIVE YOU CAN DRESS YOURSELF. SO WHY ARE WE HAVING TO MUCH TROUBLE NOW?!" Jade screamed, unable to take this any more. "Just wear the yellow dress with the strappy heals. That should work out just fine! Now get the hell dressed, and I don't much care in what, cause I have to kill someone."

Jade stomped her way down the stairs, angry that so much was going wrong. 'Tori, just get dressed. I don't care what you wear, you HAVE to see this play.' She thought hard, stomping her way down the stairs.

Jade was mad, so much so that she had to concentrate on not throwing herself off the stairs on the way down. But at rise, where the piano lives, she looked up to find Robbie, and oddly Rex, both covered in orange. "How the hell..." She breathed, not sure she could take much more.

"He opened the bag for me, so I wouldn't get Orange dust all over my dress." Cat offered. Her dress was pristine, the only saving grace.

"Now what's he gonna wear?" Jade groaned. "We have..." She checked her watch, "Fifteen minutes before the limo gets here. FIFTEEN. MY GODS, WHAT THE HELL. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING, AND YOU GUYS AREN'T HELPING. WE NEED YOU TO GET DRESSED, SO WE CAN GO WHEN THE LIMO GETS HERE!"

"Um, Jade..." Beck said, standing in front of her. His voice was calm, controlled, while his game was on pause. "You're yelling. That's not gonna help anyone get ready any faster. Just relax. I'm sure we can find some kind of solution..."

"Besides, it's not like this is a total disaster." Cat said.

"How is it not a disaster?" Jade stated, threatening to go hysterical.

"Robbie just puts on his alternative suit." Cat said flippantly. "We have time."

"Alternative suit?" Robbie asked. "What alternative suit? Why would I bring an alternative suit?"

"In case you dropped your original one in the toilet. Duh." Cat replied. "No, wait, that was me." She looked just a touch embarrassed. "My brother said, given my habit of dropping bra's in the toilet, I should probably bring a spare dress, just in case. You know, cause it has a bra built in..." She seemed confused for a moment.

"Beck, do something about this." Jade said, her voice a whispered growl. "I.. I don't..."

"Relax, I'm sure Mister Vega has something he no longer fits in." Beck said, starting to lead Robbie up the stairs.

"Or maybe Trina has a dress he'd look darling in." Andre called up.

"Doubt it." Cat said. "They're totally different skin tones."

"What else can go wrong?" Jade asked the heavens.

"Don't worry, we have time." Cat assured her. "Besides, I'm out off cheesy puffs."

Jade groaned. "Calm down, Jade, Here," Andre patted the seat next to him, "Sit play. Beck will have everything all fixed, real soon, and we'll be dressed and fine and ready to see that play you worked so hard on."

"Not gonna work." Cat said, in a very sure voice.

"Cat, support please." Andre said, keeping his voice calm. "Right now, we need to stay calm. Everyone's calm. No need to get upset, or take out scissors and start blooding up the place. Just stay calm..."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO MY SISTER?" Trina screached as she made her way down the stairs.

"WHAT NOW?" Jade yelled back. Her patience was far past it's end, and only a vague hope kept her sane. She'd stood up, causing Andre to retreat to the far side of the couch.

"Tori said she's not going." The older girl said. "I know you two don't get along, but this is my first premier, and I need her ready to go."

"Wait, she's not going?" Jade asked. "Why isn't she going? And why didn't you tell her to be ready earlier? What the hell is going on, that you expect me to do something, when I'm not the reason she doesn't have shoes for half her outfits.

"I don't care, just Fix it." Trina commanded.

Jade was once again reminded that her current outfit didn't have a good place for her scissors, not since she'd been warned about the sheath she'd made for her boots. "How the holy hell am I supposed to fix things. I don't even know what I said to upset her.?"

"Just talk to her." Cat sighed, before her voice evened out. "And tell Beck that he won't find anything in mister Vega's closet that will fit Robbie."

"WHY?" Jade asked the sky gods, now thoroughly convinced they were out to get her. "Why won't anything in Mister Vega's closet fit Robbie? Not even that suit he wore back in his collage days, or maybe that costume he wore that one Halloween?"

"He didn't..." Trina started to say, but Cat's way to calm voice cut her off.

"Trina, how tall is you dad?" Cat asked.

"Maybe Six four." The annoying girl replied. "Oh, I get it. Robbie's what, five six?"

"Five ten, but I understand the confusion." Cat chimed in.

"Ghaa…." Jade uttered, looking for something to slam. She wanted to just sit down and cry, but a part of her told her to do something, and violence was her favorite something to do.

"Talk to Tori." Cat urged, and Jade was in motion, using that suggestion as motivation not to start ripping limbs off in hopes that at least one would belong to Rex.

"Andre, maybe you should get changed?" Trina suggested, but the boy hadn't moved. Trina went to plan B. "Otherwise, well, we don't want to know what Jade's capable of right now, do we?"

Jade reached Tori's room, to find her sitting on her bed, looking at a magazine. "Whats this about you not going?" Jade demanded. Despite her rage, Jade was keeping her voice, and her anger, in check.

Tori got up and started walking past Jade and down the stairs. She'd tossed on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, looking to be ready for a cold evening in, or maybe a long run on a cold day. "I asked, why aren't you ready?" Jade hissed.

Tori stopped on the stairs. "Because I'm done." She replied, weary and frustrated and showing no signs of being ready to fight. She just sounded tired. "Look, I've tried, over and over, to be your friend. Sometimes, it feels like I'm making headway. Then, just when I think maybe we're getting past those walls, you slam them down again, and I feel even more on the outside."

"Look, if this is about my comment, you know, around shoes..." Jade said, trying to justify her words in a way that wasn't insulting.

"Some people get cloths, then go looking for the shoes." Tori said, her voice now a cold front. "There's a thrill in the hunt, looking for that perfect combination. It's just, tonight, you caught me without the right shoes. Congratulations on achieving your life's fucking goal. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna head down and get me something to drink."

Jade started to trail Tori down the stairs, when she head Beck behind her. "Um, Jade, nothing in their closet fits him. Mister Vega's too tall, and misses Vega is maybe five seven at the tallest, so not much chance of her stuff fitting him."

"Great, just great." Jade flung her arms up, even as she stomped her way down the stairs. She found herself a seat on the couch.

Andre offered her a controller. "Maybe some Gears of War will help calm you down?"

"Why not." Jade groaned. "It's not like we're even gonna be close to ready when the limo shows up. Why bother even trying. I mean, months of hard work, writing and working with others, finding backers who won't change that much of my work, and making deals so I can put the play on professionally. Auditioning actors to play the rolls, speaking to each of them to help them find the parts. All that, just so I can miss my own opening."

"You're dressed." Tori said from her place at the kitchen. "You go. I'll be here, watching celebrities under water."

"Robbie's orange." Trina said, noticing the puppeteer. "Why's Robbie Orange?"

"I'm more curious how he managed to get it all on him and Rex, and we don't have even a hint of a stain on the floor." Beck pointed out.

"Um, not to make too big a deal out of this, but if anyone's not going to the premier, it's the guy covered in orange dust." Rex said. "so SOMEONE FIND A WAY TO CLEAN THIS CHIZ OFF OF ME!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Jade snapped. "The whole purpose of this evening was to have Tori see my play. The rest of you, just along for the ride. So go on, get dressed, don't get dressed, I don't care any more. If Tori's not going, then the whole evenings a waste."

"Oh please." Tori said, her voice drenched in sarcasm. "Like I'm gonna fall for that one. You only want me there because there's something in the play that will embrace me, and you want to see my reaction."

"It's not..." Jade started.

"Or maybe you need the whole world to see whatever bit of evil you have planned." Tori continued. "You said there would be press, so this would be the perfect time to really embarrass me. Make that fucking Saint Barnard dragging my ass feel like a walk in the chizzing park."

"Tori..." Jade said again.

"But I'm not falling for it." Tori plowed forward. "If this is some kind of sick joke, then you can have it all to yourself. Your dressed, so you can go, enjoy your little joke, and leave me THE FUCK OUT OF IT!"

"Someone's putting a dollar I the swear jar." Robbie commented.

Jade sighed, stood up, and made her way to Tori.. "Arm."

"NO!" Tori screamed. "I'M NOT LETTING YOU TAKE ME ANYWHERE!" She backed up several paces, placing herself kinda behind her sister.

"Maybe if you apologized?" Cat suggested.

"For yelling?" Jade started.

"That, and the last three years." Cat said with a shrug. Tori, meanwhile, was sneaking up the stairs.

"Cat…!" Jade growled.

"Maybe we can find something constructive to be doing?" Beck suggested.

"No. Gears. of. WAR!" Jade hissed. "And Cat, unless you can solve one of my problems, any one, one you created, one you contributed too, any chizzing one, just…" Jade held her rage, trying not to scream something she'd regret later, choosing her words as diplomatically as she could. ".. Just stay silent, okay?"

Cat looked hurt, despite the gentile way Jade worded things. She stood up and stomped her way towards the garage. The door slammed shut after her.

"Oh great..." Jade started.

"I'll..." Beck motioned to go after her.

"No, you get dressed." Jade said, almost defeated.

"Great." Trina chimed in. "Andre, I have your dress. You'll look super elegant in it."

"Lets get dressed, before she tries to enforce that." Beck suggested.

"I'd like to see her try." Andre said, confident Trina couldn't hurt him.

"She could sing." Beck offered.

"Getting dressed." Andre said, standing and quickly racing to the guest room. Beck followed behind at a slower, more measured pace.

"Good, now we just have to deal with Tori." Trina said, sitting next to Jade.

"I.. I don't.." Jade seemed lost for words.

"I don't know if you've heard, but this play, it's big chiz. I don't think anyone in this room, in this whole house, with the exception of you and me, have a clue how big it's supposed to be. And knowing that, I'm not missing this premier." Trina explained. She was trying to stay calm, despite how agitated she'd grown at the possibility she wouldn't be in the VIP section. "So go try again with Tori. If you really want her to see it, you have to try again, and maybe apologize." Both girls stood up, only for Trina to put a hand on Jade's arm. 'Wait for it..."

"TRINA!" Andre's voice echoed down the lower hallway. Seconds later, the boy came out of the room, carrying the red dress. "What did you do with my suit"

"Why white?" Trina asked.

"Where's my suit?" The musician demanded.

"Not telling until you explain why it's a white suit." Trina said, smirking.

"Cause according to some designer on Project Runway, While cloths on darker skin makes the features pop." Andre explained. "I just look good in white."

"You watch Project Runway?" Trina asked.

"Models." Jade filled in.

"Right." Trina said. "I'm gonna go see what my sister needs."

"What about my suit?" Andre asked.

"It's probably in her room." Jade shrugged, following Trina to the stairs.

"It's here." Beck called from the guest room. The Canadian was stiffing his laughter.

"I see you had an accomplice." Jade noted as they assented the stairs.

"Learned the hard way that Beck's plenty sneaky. So I had him hide the suit with his own, in the carrying bag." Trina said. "Saved me from having to risk getting caught carrying the suit away, and I just used a moment where Andre was distracted to slip the dress into his garment bag." The girls reached Tori's door, and Trina pounded on it. "She may be listening to her pear phone, and have her earbuds in." She explained.

"JADE, GO AWAY!" Tori screamed.

"It's Trina." The older sister said, keeping her voice just loud enough to be heard.

"TRINA, GO AWAY!" Tori screamed back.

"I'm coming in, and if the doors locked, you know I'll get through in one kick." Trina warned.

A second later, the door opened, just a hair, so Trina pushed it all the way, allowing Jade to occupy the doorway. Face to face with Tori, the writer once again found herself without words. "Um., Tori, please come see my play." She said.

"No." Tori said, trying to close the door.

Jade shrugged her way past Tori, taking a seat at the desk. "It's embarrassing how often I've been without words lately. I'm a writer, for Dan's sake. I write, words are my medium. But then again, this whole fucking plays been a work in embarrassment." Jade admitted as she hung her head. "And no, Tori, not yours."

"I was gonna give you two some privacy, but this sounds too good to miss." Trina commented, reminding both she was there.

Tori glared at her sister, then sat down on the bed. "You have two minutes." Trina suspected it was because her sister had no hope in hell of throwing Jade out.

"I had so may reasons to hate you." Jade started, and Trina rolled her eyes.. "I mean, everyone loved you. From the moment you walked onto campus, everyone was tripping over each other to give you every opportunity, every break, every advantage. Hell, even the janitor was giving you chocolate mops for Christmas. I mean, even the times you couldn't get the roles, cause you were too pretty or looked too much like the main star, they apologized, gave you other opportunities. Everything kinda worked out for you, week after week. I hated that. I really did, because the same people weren't bothering to try to help me..." Her voice faded, as she gathered her thoughts.

"What about when we all worked so hard, not just to put on your play, but to distract Mrs. Lee?" Tori asked.

"They did it for you." Jade said. "None of them would put neatly that amount of effort into helping me, but once you were involved, asking their help, they bent over backwards to give it."

"I played a celebrity." Trina added.

"But as much as, I mean..." Jade heaved a big breath. "I'm gay."

"What now?" Tori asked, not sure what Jade meant by that.

"It's embarrassing enough, me not realizing it sooner, only figuring it out through the play. This play." Jade groaned. "I wrote this to help clear my mind, imagining us as normal people, ten years down the line. You were all happy, married and successful and even though you weren't rich, you had everything you wanted, cause thats how things work out for you."

"And how did this let you know you were gay?" Trina asked. Tori was still struggling with the idea, not sure she'd heard it right, and afraid to broach the subject least she upset Jade. 'Like she could make Jade any more upset.' Trina thought.

"My character is a recovering druggie, who's on step nine..." Jade started.

"Step nine?" Tori cut in. "What's…?" Tori struggled to find some kind of reference she could use to identify what Jade meant. Her anger, so fresh a moment ago, was stunned to the background by this new information.

"Twelve step program, step eight is making a list of everyone you've wronged and being willing to make amends." Trina filled in. "Step nine is actively seeking forgiveness and making amends."

"How..." Jade asked. "You know what? Never mind, I looked it up, so maybe you did too. But the point is, in the play, when my character talked to yours, she was supposed to go off on how everyone loved you, but instead, all she could say was 'I'm Gay' Thats when I knew she was gay." Jade tried to convey something with her eyes. "She's a lesbian." Then the blue eyes fell, looking down at her knees. "I'm a lesbian."

"Jade..." Tori was catching up, her mind whirling.

"Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to only realize that now, at seventeen?" Jade asked. "And I live in Hollywood, where being gay isn't a bad thing. I go to a preforming arts school, where the gender of your date isn't important. And, and I was so obsessed with Beck, in how perfect a boyfriend he was, so much so I never realized my interest in him was all wrong. I wanted him, but for what he represented. And then, and this is the biggest laugh, but then, once I knew what I was, that I was gay, a lesbian, I-I found I didn't have the words to tell you, or Beck, or anyone. So I figured I'd let the play do it for me." Jade sighed. Tears were running down her face, but she hardly noticed.

Tori moved closer, using one hand to lift her chin so she could look the girl in the eyes. "Bull." She spat.

"Look, I… That's why I was so desperate to have you see the play. So you could see, make your own decisions, and I wouldn't have to, to..." Jade's voice was fading "To do this, confess" She shrugged. "Stay or go, your choice. I… I'm, I have nothing left. No words."

Tori stared hard at the broken looking goth in her tight black dress and her tear stained mascara. Her rage built at being lied to. 'Does she really believe I'd fall for anther one of her tricks? Doesn't she see this is why I can't trust her? I mean, what would she do if, one day, she walked in here, telling the truth and...' The anger built, even as Tori's mind got caught on that word. 'Truth...'

Tori was wazzed off beyond the point of thinking, so she acted instead. She felt her body leaning forward, not sure how close she needed to be to give Jade that piece of her mind. She just knew she needed this, to confront Jade, prove the lie, prove that this was just one ore of Jade's tricks. Her hand was still under the pale girls chin, holding that face up, so she could glare in her eyes, see the lies, and then, her head was tilting, even as she pushed her lips against the red lips that broke the pale while tableau that is Jade's face. For several seconds, she held Jade there in that forceful, angry kiss. But as the moments stretched on, and the kiss lingered, and Jade realized what was going on, the pale girl started kissing back. Tori became dimly aware of something behind that kiss, something real, and she grew concerned that she wasn't making any effort to end the moment. With an act of will Tori had no idea she'd need, the kiss broke.

"Wow, that was some..." Trina started. "Oh, right, you wanted privacy."

"I guess it's true, sometimes you can tell from the kiss." Tori breathed. "There's a lot of passion in your kiss, even if you were kinda stunned." She sighed. "Okay I do kinda believe you, about the whole gay thing. And you know what? I'll go. I'll go, but only one one condition." Tori, despite the soft words, was getting mad again.

"What?" Jade asked, still recovering from the despair of her confession, and the intensity of the kiss.

"Do you have any idea how bad this is, not telling me?" Tori asked. "That you just assumed I wouldn't understand?"

"I didn't even know." Jade insisted.

"Too bad." Tori snapped. "It's a good thing we're both staying in Los Angeles, cause I'm not letting this end like that. No, you're gonna date me, and treat me right, and if things get there, and they will, you're gonna wake up next to me, and make me breakfast, cause I can cook, rumors be damned, but I want my lover to make me chizzing breakfast."

"Uh, what?" Jade repeated.

"JADE!" Trina cut in, trying to reach the suprised goth. "Don't just stand there, ask her out."

"Not enough." Tori hissed. "No, we're both far past the ask her out stage. Oh, we're going out, just so I can confirm we're gonna be involved. But your gonna have to show me a lot more for me to accept you as my..." her voice dropped low as the last word snuck out, "wife…."

Jade stammered, not sure what she heard. Luckily, she didn't have too. "Whoah there, girl, lets take things one step at a time here." Trina said, stepping in and pulling the enraged Latina away from the stunned goth.

"W-wife?" Jade whispered.

"Tori, I get it, you have needs." Trina chided her sister. "But lets take things a bit slower, okay? And calm down, cause this isn't the kind of decision to be made while high on emotions." Trina shook her sister, lightly, just enough to help calm the girl down. "You realize you all but proposed, right?"

"Yea, getting ahead of myself here." Tori agreed, blushing, pulling herself free from her sister to address the goth in the room. "Aaand, cause we're not getting married quite yet, maybe you should step outside, get the others ready. You… you have your play opening tonight, and it sounds interesting." Tori put a hand on the pale girl and pushed, only to fail to move Jade. Trina assisted, and Jade was pulled out of the room. "Go." Tori slammed the door.

"So…" Trina said. "That happened." She glanced around, not sure what to say next. "Ummm, welcome to the family?"

"Yea, um, so… um, you know the twelve steps?" Jade asked, anxious to change the subject. The two started walking towards the stairs.

"I was attending a Narcotics Anonymous meeting for a while." Trina explained.

"You…!?" Jade asked, astonished. 'Well, not that shocked….'

"No no no no noo." Trina insisted. "I don't use drugs. I'm not risking this body by putting anything that dangerous in it. No, I was looking for Francois Cory."

"The Dingo star?" Jade asked.

"He made movies too." Trina insisted. They'd stopped walking for that moment. "I'd just heard he was attending that meeting, so got myself invited. Met him too. Turns out, he really needs to be in N.A."

"I'm almost afraid to ask." Jade chuckled. 'Gods, am I bonding? With Trina?'

They resumed their way down the stairs. "Yea, we went on a date, and he made his move. Only, his, um, lower brain, it doesn't exactly work. So instead, he went down on me. Or rather, I think he tried going down on me." Jade gave her an expectant look. "Either that, or the boy has a major knee fetish. But I choose to think he was so messed up, he didn't realize he was licking my knee for those ten minutes. Then he asked me 'Was it good for you?'"

"Was it?" Jade said, barely keeping from breaking up. She needed the stress release.

"I'm not dating him..." Trina trailed off as they reached the bottom of the stairs, and both girls saw Robbie standing in the kitchen, his face and suit clean. "My god, you fixed his suit!"

Cat stepped out from behind him, and held up a hand vacuum, revving it's engine to emphasize what she'd done. "I used the crevice piece for his hair, brushed the hair back, washed his face, and vacuumed the rest. Now he looks almost normal. Just, you know, with cheesy orange highlights."

"Good enough." Jade decided. "Okay, I wasn't lying about not really caring if the rest of you saw this play or not, except a small part of me kinda does want you guy to go." Jade announced, too tired to scream.

"Because we're your friends." Beck finished for her.

"Yea, that, and as an apology for the time I may have tried to maim one or more of you." Jade said. "You know I really didn't mean it when I tried to push you into that wood chipper, I was just making a point."

Rex, Robbie, and Andre all murmured something similar to "Didn't feel like it."

"You too?" Beck asked.

"Um, Jade, whats with you and wood chippers?" Trina asked.

"She has a broken one she sometimes uses to intimidate people." Cat answered. "And we know it's broken, or Rex would have disappeared years ago."

"True that." Andre echoed.

"Okay, maybe I've been a bit violent..." Jade started.

"A bit?" Beck asked. "Jade, we just found out you've tried to push everything remotely male in this room into a wood chipper. And I'm almost certain you could have fixed it."

"None of you ever got that close." Jade insisted. "I just, I needed an edge. Needed people to fear me, just a bit. And my scissors, yea my scissors weren't doing it any more. Anyways..." The sound or glass breaking let her know she had a text. "Oh, the limo's here." She glanced at the time on her phone. "It's early. Okay, guys, I am kinda sorry for being a grunch all those years. To show you, I want you to be my guests at the play."

"Thanks, for giving us what you'd already given us." Beck drolled.

"She's trying, man." Andre said. "She's trying."

"Hay, I am trying!" Jade snapped. "Which is what you just said… Look, I wanna clear a lot of my bad karma, so that I'm able to do whole new evils in collage, and not worry about it adding up too much. Hell, I even invited Mrs. Lee, got her, that talentless Daisy, and her boy Kwakoo coming. Sent them tickets. Going out of my way to fix things." Jade smiled at her friends. "And wow, you guys look good tonight. Even Robbie. Those orange highlights are really working for you."

"No their not." Rex said. "And Jade is really working hard to butter you up. Whats up. Scary?"

"Just want my friends to know I appreciate them." Jade said. "And I can make that wood chipper work, in case a certain puppet gets on my nerves. After all, I'm busy cleaning my karma." Her eyes rake the room. Then her face softens. "So, we ready to go?"

Andre was in his white suit, looking fly, while Beck wore a more traditional black tie tux. Even Rex, who could be just vacuumed, was ready to go. "Why don't you guys go get in the car." Cat suggested. "Um, Jade, if you have a moment, you should touch up your makeup."

"On it." Jade said, heading towards the bathroom. Trina led the others out to the car.

"Um, Jade, thanks for looking out for me, and never trying to push me into a wood chipper, active or otherwise." Cat said.

"You know I have other ways of hurting people, right?" Jade asked.

"And I'm not wearing a bra." Cat replied. Jade glanced over at her, and saw her pull her hands down, as if pulling the dress with it, thus flashing Jade. Only, the dress was still in place. Cat smiled. "I was gonna flash you, except I figured out why you needed Tori to be with you so badly. Don't wanna give you the wrong idea. Just wanted to disturb you. Cause of the yelling. Don't like the yelling. But I forgive you." Cat gave a huge smile. Then she turned on her heels and walked out to the car.

'Is it odd I wanted a hug?' Jade asked herself as her eyes followed the retreating redhead. Those eyes were now far to aware of how the curves of the girls spine blended into her ass.

"Kinda glad she didn't flash you." Tori said. Jade, who had just turned back to finishing adjusting her makeup, looked over to see the singer in a black dress, made of a semi-transparent material, but with what looked to be a red rose petal scattering across the dress to give it color. Her underwear, blended in to darker parts of the material, was also black. "My mom had this dress. Shoes to match."

"You're coming?" Jade sounded to hopeful for her own tastes.

"Yea, why not." Tori said. "We have a lot to discuss, but thats for another time. Right now, you just need to know one thing…." She leaned in close. 'We're far past dating, an as wazzed as I am at you, I may do something you're not ready for."

Jade smiled. "Like?"

Tori leaned in and kissed the pale girl again. "Lets go."

They headed out to the Limo, the evening, and their future. Years later, Jade would still remember that evening, not just fr the boost it gave her and her friends careers, but because that was the first time she kissed Tori.

It most certainly wouldn't be the last.

:}

I think I kinda fulfilled the request. It was, "I actually want a parody of the episode where Jade takes Ross's place and needs to have the entire gang ready for a "big opening" and everyone is anyone but ready and the one she wants there the most is Tori and after Jade yells at Tori, she of course decides to "stay home" much to Jade's consternation but eventually everything is fixed. "

So, this is what I wrote. Wasn't easy, didn't want to be written, but I had me some inspiration, and produced this.

Thoughts, comments, birthday wishes for Invader Johnny, you know what to do.


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